dies XXXI | securus

Pros: You no longer have to worry about unflattering angles.

dies XXX | brevis

I knew mighty oaks start out tiny and all, but what about those of us stuck small forever?

dies XXIV | concordia

It's very nice that all you different color stalks grow on the same plant, harmony and suchlike, but also...kinda creepy. How do you do it?

dies XXVIII | mon idoneus

Plants. When they're not lookin' like vag, they're lookin' like weiners.

dies XXVII | proditor

YOU'RE BEING REPOTTED FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, ASSHOLE CACTI.

dies XXVI | monumentenum

Leaving flowers at my grave is nice, but I'd rather you scrawl my story throughout the streets.

dies XXV | prodigiosus

A blue-leafed poinsettia that naturally sparkles with silver glitter? Why, it must be a Christmas miracle!

dies XXIV | cruciamentum

If ya gotta go, nothing really trumps the Batman-villain-style ironic deathtrap.

dies XXIII | confugo

I'm not sure what kind of life you'd have to have had so that the Home Depot is a step up, but it can't have been good.

dies XXII | gelidus

Even the Romans had heated floors, so why am I still stuck hopping across ice-cold tile every morning?

dies XXI | hilaris

It's always so nice to see someone enjoying their job.

dies XX | Ars

It's not really art unless there's at least one boob in it.

dies XIX | domus

Home is where you can lurk in the doorway and yell at people to stay off your lawn.

dies XVIII | crimen

Rather than write out to-do lists, I leave little piles of all the things I need to do something with lying about the house. That way, every time I walk by them, or indeed look around the room, I have a vivid visual representation of how lazy I'm currently being.

dies XVII | utilis

Depending on your current location 'X' can either mean 'buried pirate treasure' or 'bandages and gauze', which are both great, but I'd really like to find that magical locale that combines the two.

dies XVI | iratus

I suppose I'd be ticked too, if I looked like a pretty little girl.

dies XV | pungo

OW, over.

dies XIV | legio

Count on even the gentlest thing to fuck your shit up, when confronted en masse.

dies XIII | pontus

Anything that can be slapped over a gap is a bridge, but you wouldn't know it by the way the way some people go on about the concept.

dies XII | certamen

I think silly insults and skillful trash talking make for the best bonding, but it doesn't seem like there's much agreement there...

dies XI | reproba amicus

You just never know what someone else intends.

dies X | forsit auctor

I like my fish to remember that they're a mere change in location away from being hors d'oevre.

dies IX | munus

Dude, if you're gonna die, try to do it in a less cliche place.

dies VIII | intus

Flowers that have little blooms inside creep me out. I look at them and see the evil chest-bursters of the floral world.

dies VII | comitatus

Ah ha ha.

dies VI | informatio nequam

New ideas are not always good, but I do appreciate the effort.

dies V | ingressus occulte

Sneeaaaakin iiiiiinnnnn, walkin around!!!! I'M DOING SOME SNEAKIN' TODAY, WHOA WHOA.

dies IV | propago

I don't think we can blame the flowers. Everything sort of looks like a vag, if you get close enough to.

dies III | simulare

Stop putting on airs. We all know you're just cheap chocolate with a fancy coat of paint

dies II | pabulatio

Friends very rarely eat each other.